Courage Or Fear?

Like everyone, I have had my share of difficult times.  Over the last 23 years or so I have related to those experiences through the looking glass of my Faith.  It was through my Faith that I discovered a well of strength that was at my disposal that I had know idea was available to me.  Over the years I have learned to access this strength by visualizing myself reaching deep, down into a dark, sometimes scary and unknown well and my courage being rewarded with the strength I needed to continue.  I coined this experience, "dipping deep".

I had to really stretch and reach this week.  With the Duathlon only days away fear started to set in.  I thought I was holding it at bay pretty well until I read a thread that mentioned that the last portion of the bike was 12 miles all uphill.  WHAT? I had errands to run and bags to pack I don't have time for this, I told myself as I pushed the thoughts away.

While sitting in the car at Walmart checking my list the thoughts came back.  I was alone, it was raining outside so I couldn't get out.  There was no place to hide.  I had to deal with the fact that I was scared.  Scared of what? The race?  Would I be able to complete this race?  How could I?  I hadn't even covered the milage yet? Was I good enough, thin enough, fit enough, tough enough, deserving enough?  What about the pain? What if I couldn't complete it? What would I do after I completed it? What would be next?  What will I do then?  All the thoughts came screaming at once.  It was overwhelming.  I figured I would reach out to my friends for comfort.  Even the thought of reaching out scared me.  Believe it or not I am an extremely private person.  This entire lifestyle change is really stretching me.  My best friend, Hubby, was watching Robin so I didn't want to interrupt him with such loaded emotions.  I texted a few friends:

• The first set is a good group of girlfriends I told them to keep me in prayer.  They promised they would and that they were so proud of me and that I would do well.  As I read their comments the tears rolled down my face.  No one is really hears me.  Maybe I need to open up more.
• My next friend I reached out to I explained it all in detail.  Their response was a question.  Why do you fear success?  Long story short, I felt judged and labeled when I was reaching out in a vulnerable state. 

Why is it that you can't seem to find a comforting spot to bare your soul when you need it I thought. The tears rolled down my face and I acknowledged that I had to let it out here and now in the parking lot of this Walmart.  I bawled like a baby.  Fear will not hinder me from moving forward.

• A newer friend of mine that I feel like I've known forever simply texted that she understands and told me to do me. That simple statement made me feel like I had been heard in the universe.   Someone could actually see me.  The real me!

I collected my thoughts, prayed, gave thanks to even be at this point in my life.  I acknowledged how far I had come. Then I reached down deep into the well one more time for strength, dried my tears and patted myself on the back.  

Come on Gee.  The race is on Sunday.  You got this.  And out into the rain, I went to continue my way.

I will lift mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help.  

My help cometh from the Lord. 

~  Psl. 121:1

Weekly Workout Recap / Week Seven Duathlon Training May 4 - 10, 2015

Monday

Run / Walk: 20 mins  

Today was the first time I actually ran the entire 5K distance

Tuesday

Off / Stretch

Wednesday

Run / Walk 10

Bike: 10

Run / Walk 10

Hubby got called into work.  No training.  

Thursday

Bike: 15

Friday 

Off / Stretch

Unfortunately, I was not able to complete anymore training between life interrupting and the rain.  

How do you deal with overwhelming emotions and fears?

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