Friday, May 15, 2015

Courage Or Fear?

Like everyone, I have had my share of difficult times.  Over the last 23 years or so I have related to those experiences through the looking glass of my Faith.  It was through my Faith that I discovered a well of strength that was at my disposal that I had know idea was available to me.  Over the years I have learned to access this strength by visualizing myself reaching deep, down into a dark, sometimes scary and unknown well and my courage being rewarded with the strength I needed to continue.  I coined this experience, "dipping deep".



I had to really stretch and reach this week.  With the Duathlon only days away fear started to set in.  I thought I was holding it at bay pretty well until I read a thread that mentioned that the last portion of the bike was 12 miles all uphill.  WHAT? I had errands to run and bags to pack I don't have time for this, I told myself as I pushed the thoughts away.

While sitting in the car at Walmart checking my list the thoughts came back.  I was alone, it was raining outside so I couldn't get out.  There was no place to hide.  I had to deal with the fact that I was scared.  Scared of what? The race?  Would I be able to complete this race?  How could I?  I hadn't even covered the milage yet? Was I good enough, thin enough, fit enough, tough enough, deserving enough?  What about the pain? What if I couldn't complete it? What would I do after I completed it? What would be next?  What will I do then?  All the thoughts came screaming at once.  It was overwhelming.  I figured I would reach out to my friends for comfort.  Even the thought of reaching out scared me.  Believe it or not I am an extremely private person.  This entire lifestyle change is really stretching me.  My best friend, Hubby, was watching Robin so I didn't want to interrupt him with such loaded emotions.  I texted a few friends:

  • The first set is a good group of girlfriends I told them to keep me in prayer.  They promised they would and that they were so proud of me and that I would do well.  As I read their comments the tears rolled down my face.  No one is really hears me.  Maybe I need to open up more.
  • My next friend I reached out to I explained it all in detail.  Their response was a question.  Why do you fear success?  Long story short, I felt judged and labeled when I was reaching out in a vulnerable state. 
Why is it that you can't seem to find a comforting spot to bare your soul when you need it I thought. The tears rolled down my face and I acknowledged that I had to let it out here and now in the parking lot of this Walmart.  I bawled like a baby.  Fear will not hinder me from moving forward.
  • A newer friend of mine that I feel like I've known forever simply texted that she understands and told me to do me. That simple statement made me feel like I had been heard in the universe.   Someone could actually see me.  The real me!
I collected my thoughts, prayed, gave thanks to even be at this point in my life.  I acknowledged how far I had come. Then I reached down deep into the well one more time for strength, dried my tears and patted myself on the back.  

Come on Gee.  The race is on Sunday.  You got this.  And out into the rain, I went to continue my way.

I will lift mine eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help.  
My help cometh from the Lord. 
~  Psl. 121:1

Weekly Workout Recap / Week Seven Duathlon Training May 4 - 10, 2015

Monday

Run / Walk: 20 mins  
Today was the first time I actually ran the entire 5K distance

Tuesday

Off / Stretch

Wednesday

Run / Walk 10
Bike: 10
Run / Walk 10
Hubby got called into work.  No training.  

Thursday

Bike: 15

Friday 

Off / Stretch

Unfortunately, I was not able to complete anymore training between life interrupting and the rain.  

How do you deal with overwhelming emotions and fears?

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Thursday, May 7, 2015

What Difference A Day/s Can Make

This week was basically the last of the intense training for my Mother's Day Duathlon.  When I look back over these last seven weeks and see how far I have come I'm so proud of myself.  When I made the decision to participate in the Duathlon I was struggling to regain some level of fitness.  I tried to jump back in but it just wasn't working for me.  I had to switch a few things up and basically start all over again.

http://www.mirrorwatching.com

Sometimes, heck often times I felt defeated and the old feelings of wanting to give up completely would creep back in.  Soooo glad I haven't given in to them and continue to press on.  If I had given in I wouldn't have been able to enjoy my latest victory of cycling 17 miles deep into a forest to see a beautiful babbling brook, smell the jasmine in the still air or enjoy the sights and signs that cannot be seen from the road.  

I'm regaining my running strength and developing a love of cycling.  Seven weeks ago, it took me an hour to ride four miles.  I'm more confident in my cycling abilities after overcoming many issues. Yesterday I did 17 miles in 1.5 hours on a mountain trail.  That is a marked improvement!

So I'm currently I'm on count down to the race.  My checklist is done:
  • Race registration completed
  • Hotel reservations made
  • Cycle serviced
The only things left to do are to pack Robin and Aunt Gina into the car and drive down to the location.  Wish me well and I will see you on the other side.

Weekly Workout Recap / Week 7 Duathlon Training April 26th - May 2nd, 2015


Monday
Bike 30
BGR

Tuesday
Rest and yoga

Wednesday
Run/Walk 10
Bike: 60

Thursday
Run/Walk 30

Friday
Bike 60 - Made it to 15 miles for the first time

Saturday
Rest - yoga

Sunday
Bike: 90
Amazing breakthrough ride of  17 miles.  Feel good about the race.

Isn't it amazing what a day/s can make!? How has a day/s changed your life?