Well, I've decided that I'm going to take the plunge as well. No, no, not that plunge. I'm married. Seventeen years in. Hi Hubby! No, my plunge is a commitment to embrace my body. To love my body just as it is. See, I only realized in my forties, that I suffered from low body confidence and I was not conscious of the fact of not being happy with my body in general. I am convinced that all the years of criticism and ridicule by family and peers together culture and media bombardment has had a subliminal effect on me.
From young, it seemed that everyone wanted to talk about my physical appearance. Even when the comments were good they seemed to be indicating that something else was wrong. My height for my age, my pretty complexion (Check my About Me pic out. Can you believe that I believed until about four years ago that I was dark complexioned?) The size of my breast and upper arms that come from Grandma. My flat butt. Gorgeous legs with duck feet. Beautiful head of hair with a moon forehead. Stunning smile, but you show too much gums. And what is up with the people who like to commentate on how fat you are getting and then when you start loosing weight, you are looking sickly. LOL! Looking back at this barrage of constant labeling, comparing and shaming left me thinking that physically I was lacking a something.
Did I think I was attractive? Yes, I did, but I will admit that it was more about the quality of person I thought I was than how I looked. For those reading this post that know me personally, probably can't believe I had these issues because I carried myself so confidently. I am confident, sexy and brilliant and all that goes with it. I just had some body image issues and I was not at peace with a portion of
So why this post and Love Letter to my body? Now that I am aware of the breach I want to embrace all of me. The total package, mind, body and spirit. Not because 100 plus pounds are gone (but losing the weight did bring attention to the fact that the issue was not the weight), nor when the last 70 leave but right now.
Two things happened that brought awareness to my state and changed my vantage point:
- At 338 lbs, I did not know that I had the mental capacity to change my physical circumstances. Discovering that I had the power, learning to use it and watching my body respond has been an amazing discovery and experience.
- Secondly, After facing infertility with obesity and a geriatric pregnancy (as they called it lol wow! Where is the bucket of ice cream?) working against me, I conceived, carried full term and birthed my one and only. Watching my body do what it had been told it could not and would not do was phenomenal. My body did that.
In the spirit of the season, do you want to write your own love letter to your beloved? You can find some great tips here and here.
**Update** This exercise proved to be fruitful and so enlightening for me that I have decided to do it each year. Dear Body, A Love Letter Vol. 2
You might find this post at any of these parties!
Do you or have you had a disconnect with your body and are working
or have overcome it? Leave a comment a let me know how you are working it out. to